This post is primarily directed at young people who are not yet married or who have recently gotten married.
1) Your spouse will let you down. If he --my spouse is a man, so I'll refer to spouses in the masculine-- doesn't let you down, you haven't been together long enough.
2) Great sex is cultivated; not magically assigned. If you aren't having some awkwardness in your bedroom, you're probably not making love enough. Ironically, the more you make love, the better the sex gets. It's a vicious cycle, I know but the more you trust someone, the better the sex will get! This is why I advocate that the healthiest sex is with one partner for life. Excuse me while I crouch behind the bathtub wall to avoid the killer looks I'm probably getting. If your sex life is flawless and awesome, then good for you. Really, I mean it :)
3) It's ok to be unhappily married. No, it should not stay that way, but if you're married to a human, your marriage will be unhappy at times. As a young wife, I was always afraid to acknowledge even to myself that marriage wasn't all I had hoped it would be. I feared that unhappiness signaled a failed relationship. If you find yourself unhappily married, don't let the red flags frighten you from fixing it. Seek help from a professional marriage counselor--one who will help you invest in your relationship rather than give you excuses to end it.
4) Your spouse probably doesn't know exactly how to romance you. The good news is: you're the most qualified person on the planet to teach him how! Watch this clip from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage with Mark Gungor http://youtu.be/Adsx4BQHvUw Ladies, there's pretty much one way to romance your guy and the only requirement is that you show up. Quit scowling, it's true.
5) Abuse is NEVER OK!! Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for another person is to remove yourself (and your children) in order to give your spouse the room and the help he or she needs to overcome such other-and self-destructing behavior. (I purposely switched to gender pronouns in order to emphasize that abuse is no respecter of sex). I'm not advocating for divorce; that is a personal choice each couple must make. But staying within arm's reach (or vocal reach) of an abuser is NOT loving them OR yourself. If you're not sure if you're in an abusive relationship, check here for some guidance http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2013/10/01/responding-to-emotional-abuse-in-marriage/
6) Submission is always a decision and choice you make yourself. One cannot be forced to submit whether by actions or words from another person; It is then called coercion, domination or even abuse. If you aren't choosing to submit, then it's not happening; and if you're being forced, then you need to look at #5. This goes both ways, folks, wives AND husbands submit to each other but only when they trust each other.
7) You may find yourself strongly attracted to someone else. It may be so strong that you question whether you married the right person. First, rest assured attraction does not equal infidelity. Second, your marriage isn't built on attraction, it's built on trust. Seeking professional advice is the best course of action and I refer you again to #3 above.
Well, I'm getting pretty pruney by now so I best wrap this up. Please direct all insults, complaints, and fiery darts to my full-time, well-paid, professionally-dressed, and expertly-skilled assistant.
