What does it look like to really invest in a person? I mean to forsake all common sense, ignore
whispers and disdainful looks, keep a smile on your face when those
well-meaning people shake their head any say, “bless your heart,” risk
jealousy, disappointment, and rejection, knowing that there will be no
guarantee that your investment will pay off?
What does that look like? Many
will never know because there is an invisible line that they simply won’t
cross. That line looks different for
everyone, but there is a line. I have
one too.
The truth is, we juggle a lot of mixed messages and one of
those messages teeters between full investment in a human being and calling it
quits while your dignity stays intact.
We listen with both ears to the messages spewing out of both sides of
the mouthpiece. But investment in people
is risky, disappointing, and messy.
If you’re reading this, I hope you have had someone invest
fully in you. For most of us, that role
belongs to our parents. The invisible
line for parents is far more generous than it will be for teachers, coaches,
youth ministers, or peers. Parents will
trip over, stomp on, and physically relocate that invisible line to the
detriment of their own health and sanity; it takes a lot to dissuade a
parent. But what about those who do not
have such a luxury as parents? What
about those whose only investors have steered clear of the invisible line for
fear of stepping in where they’re not welcome, unraveling a mess as a result of
innocently getting involved, bowed to the peer pressure not to cast their
pearls before swine, uncovered information that they don’t want to touch with a
ninety-nine and a half foot pole?
Sometimes, it doesn’t take a village to raise a child. Sometimes, it just takes one investor willing
to kick the invisible line a little farther out than it was; willing to endure
whispers of disapproval and “bless your hearts” from peers; willing to look
foolish and pour far more into a person than he’s going to get out of him. Our system is broken, but it’s not because
the state has ruined anyone. It’s
because the state is not capable of compassion and yet the investment of
children who lack the most important resource—parents/investors—is placed in
its care. It’s an oxymoron. While the state is staffed with people who
care, the system itself simply is not capable, therefore the investors must
choose to invest in a risky fund or steer entirely clear.
A risky investment is one in which the yield results in a
higher than average return, but there is a high probability of loss. It’s not hard to see how this relates to
children.
As a resource, parents are a hot commodity. Their role is to invest and it takes the form
of time, energy, patience, love, coaching, pain, tears, sweat, ego, restlessness,
wisdom, just to name a few. The currency
that is invested is as vast as the problems any given child can face. For many investors, the invisible line is
where their own ego is tested. Once it
looks like the investment won’t pay off in terms of appreciation, humility, or
at least a happy ending, that is when they’ll most likely pull out.
But here’s the clincher: they pull out not because they’re
tired or hurt. They pull out because
they’ve honestly bought the lie—hook, line, and sinker—that they are practicing
tough love. As there’s no official
definition of tough love, let’s just say it looks like people giving up. Of course, there’s no judgment from me! We can only do so much. We’ve got our own lives and families to look
out for and some people just will never get their acts together. It’s completely understandable and even
acceptable. But I can’t help wonder what would happen if more often investors
didn’t pull out but continued pouring the resources into a child no matter what. So the kids fails a class at school, do you
pull out or keep pushing? So he doesn’t
graduate, do you pull out or keep pushing?
So he ignores every piece of great advice you’ve ever given him, do you
pull out or keep pushing? So he ignores
every act of kindness you offer, do you pull out or keep pushing? So he lands in jail . . . maybe that’s when
you should pull out, but what if you didn’t?
What if you kept pushing? What
would that look like?
The story doesn’t end with a failed class or prison
sentence. Do you want a chance at seeing
the end of the story? Then don’t give
up! Don’t pull out, because THIS is what
it sounds like, “My God, my God! Why have you abandoned me? … It is finished (Mark
15:33 & Luke 19:30).” This is what the full investment looks like. It’s not
pretty. You won’t get a pat on the back.
You’re far more likely to be criticized than applauded. Your peers will tell you it’s not worth
it—that he’s not worth it. His peers will shake their heads and wonder why you
invested in him and not them. And when
you ask yourself if you’ve done the right thing, take inventory of the advocates,
defenders, protectors, and parents and ask who needed it most? The story is not over until God says it is,
so don’t be afraid to move that invisible line a little farther toward that
troubled kid. Be willing to make risky
investments in him even if you don’t get the payoff you had hoped to get.
When I sit by my foster kids’ beds at night and tuck them
in, I can’t help but review all the battles of the day in my head and wearily
perform this last task so I can sign off for my shift. I think of all the
outbursts, ugly words, sibling competition for my attention, and the never
ending list of needs that I quite frankly just don’t want to provide for them
and I ask myself—do they have someone else who will invest in them? And as I shuffle out their bedroom door at
night, I kick that invisible line a little farther toward the front door and
make a commitment not to give up on them. For at least one more day.
